Dadhood

I’m an early morning person. I’m usually up before the house mouse dashes back into its hole in the wall.

Whenever I wake up, I find myself trapped between my mom’s voluptuous (she prefers to call it “sexy) curves and the great wall that’s my dad. I don’t even attempt to wake my mom up because only a tsunami alarm will. Besides, she deserves a break from waking up to my stomping for my midnight milk ration and 2 a.m. diaper change.

My dad pretends to sleep when I stomp or cry 911, so it’s really impossible to wake him up in the middle of the night. But, when my body clock strikes a wake up call, I use all my charm to wake my daddy up. Resistance, he knows, is futile.

As soon as I discovered the use of my fingers, I learned to push the right buttons. At first a flick or a punch on my daddy’s nose did the trick. After a while, he learned to ignore me so I had to resort to drastic measures. Each morning, I hook three fingers into his nostril and pull him to me as hard as I can. I flash my disarming smile and signature giggle and he’s all mine.

Daddy sits up against the head board and props me up on his tummy. We stare at each other and share father-daughter intimacies. He asks me how I will spend my day and I dutifully tell him about my grand plans in ooohs, ahhs, mwahms, coohs, and ghrrrs. He throws in some crazy suggestions like writing a journal or reading instead of watching TV. After this, Daddy gives me his daily pep talk, usually about growing up stuff like not getting a cellphone until I’m working or not having a boyfriend until I’m 30.

To all babies reading this, just let your dads be dads. Make them feel you’re listening -- oooh or ahhh from time to time. Men need this wisdom passing sessions to make them feel they’re exercising their dadhood.

For your own sanity, though, don’t let them ramble for more than 3 minutes. Usually drooling on them will stop them on their tracks. But if your dad is in the mood to wax philosophical or talk about the birds and the bees, you might have to try sinking your teeth into his fingers. If this doesn’t work, farting and pooping will definitely bring him back to the harsh realities of life. And boy, there’s no better way to prepare him for the office.